Di kind tings wey man dey take im mouth see for dis Lagos, eye no fit talk am, and vice versa.

Na we taxi driver own bad pass. Na orisirisi we dey see every day for Lagos road in di curse (Olorunmaje!) of our duty.

If my guonguoro no give troublem, e go be bad road. If e no be bad road, e go be all dis uniform people dem, and uniform kukuma plenty. If you escape for uniform people hand, go-slow dey one corner dey wait. Passenger wahala na im be number one.

Dat is why, any day man pikin close go reach house jejely, you go tank Eledumare.

But e get some wahala wey be say e dey come from anoder angle entirely.

See like last Friday I dey my own jeje, Aisha come garage come tell me say e wan do freedom. I ask am which kind freedom wey be say na ewa agonyin e dey sell.

Aisha say e get place wey e dey learn fashion design, na im make we no dey see am bring im market come sell for our garage since June. E say time don reach make e do freedom, as e don learn am finish.

Aisha come beg me say, as di only darling wey im get, e wan make I be Chairman of di occasion, and di event na di next day, Saturday. Di kind voice wey dis mobile buka girl take tell me dis ting, I no fit say no.

Na so I come tell all my union member dem for our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge say make dem come support me for di occasion wey I be Chairman.

Dat day, na so all of us line up our taxi begin dey go Mushin for convoy like say na Oga Sanwo-Olu dey pass. And if you see wetin all of us wear, you go tink say all of us na Minister we be.

As we reach, I see say MC don already call some people put for high table.

Dem give my union member dem seat, me I begin waka go siddon for high table as Chairman of di occasion.

As I waka dey go high table, my union member dem come dey hail me, “Up Chair! Up Chair!!”

MC come carry mic introduce me as Uncle Oga MAT.

People wan craze wen dem jus hear Oga MAT. Aisha come kneel down greet me. Come see as everybody wan shake my hand, all di sisi dem wey dey for dia come dey embreastme one by one. Tori Olorun!

MC come announce say na time for “Chairman’s Opening Remark”. As I stand up to begin read my speech wey my first woman pikin Bisi don write for me for night, na so 10 order man dem for di high table stand up at di same time.

Di first man say na im be chairman, dat Aisha tell am say I be im uncle. Di second man say na lie, na im be chairman dat Aisha tell am say me and di first man we be im uncle. Di third man challenge di second man say Aisha tell am say me, di first and di second man dem we be im uncle.

Na so Aisha bring all of us sugar daddy dem togeder in di name of uncle. Olorun Oba!

At di end of di day, nobody come be di chairman of di occasion as everybody begin find im way, one by one.

See as I bring out my union member dem dat day come chop baba nla shame for one small pikin hand.

Make we jam again on Friday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.