Parents should avoid preteens’ use of smartphones and social media, according to new research. A study released Monday, found that using smartphones before age 13 could damage kids’ mental health.

Smartphone use by children younger than 13 was associated with suicidal thoughts, worse emotional regulation, lower self-worth and detachment from reality, especially among girls, according to the study, which was published in the Journal of the Human Development and Capabilities.

For every year before age 13 that a person acquired a smartphone, their mental health and well-being were likely to be lower, the study found.

That’s likely because the kids who used smartphones before turning 13 accessed social media more and experienced sleep disruptions, cyberbullying and negative family relationships, according to the study. The data is based on self-reports in a survey of nearly 2 million people in 163 countries.

“This calls for urgent action limiting access of children under 13 to smartphones as well as more nuanced regulation on the digital environment that young people are exposed to,” said lead study author, Tara Thiagarajan, founder and chief scientist of Sapien Labs, the nonprofit that runs the survey.

While previous research focused on how smartphone use is related to anxiety and depression, this survey looked at symptoms not commonly studied, including emotional regulation and self-worth, and found they are very significant, said Thiagarajan, who is based in Arlington, Virginia.

The results were self-reported, which means they weren’t independently verified by researchers. In addition, the study can’t pinpoint what types of smartphone use drove the results and can’t account for how they might change as technologies evolve, Thiagarajan said.

Still, this research certainly has me convinced it’s a terrible idea to give kids smartphones before age 13. When I speak to parents in schools, parent groups and other community spaces, I suggest not letting kids use social media until age 16. Solid research out of the United Kingdom shows that using social media during puberty is associated with lower life-satisfaction a year later.

Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt also suggested waiting until age 16 to let kids use social media in his best-selling book “The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.”

While it may seem near impossible to hold off this long, it won’t be if we talk to the parents of our kids’ friends and collectively agree not to allow our children to use social apps until this age.

In all of my talks across the country as an expert on how social media affects women and girls, I have yet to meet a single parent or guardian who has said they’re excited for their kid to use social media. Instead, they worry their kids will be deprived of social opportunities if they’re not on social media. That’s why getting the parents of their friends involved is the key.

The group Wait Until 8th has created a pledge parents can sign collectively promising not to let kids use smartphones until the end of eighth grade. Other groups have created similar pledges.

“Check to see if there is one in your community, and if not and it feels important to you, consider starting one,” said Melissa Greenberg, a clinical psychologist at Princeton Psychotherapy Center in New Jersey who was not involved in the study. “Even if people aren’t already talking about it, they may be relieved if you start the conversation.”

But the researchers warned that parents can’t solve these problems individually without societal solutions. After all, even if I don’t allow my daughters to use social media before age 16 and convince their friends’ parents to do the same, that won’t stop them from being exposed to these apps by other kids on places like the school bus or after-school events.

That’s why parents “could also be a more active voice in the debates on regulation,” Thiagarajan said.

If you have already let your child use a smartphone before age 13 or are just worried about the results, “don’t panic,” Greenberg said.

“If you are concerned but don’t notice any of these symptoms in your child, you can still talk to them to let them know that some people struggle with anxiety, low self-worth and intense emotions,” she said. “You can let them know that there is help available should they ever need it, and you can invite them to come to you if they are ever struggling or need support.”

It’s OK to make changes

What happens if your child already has a smartphone? “You may feel stuck when you read things like this because you feel like you can’t go back,” Greenberg said. That’s not true. “Don’t be afraid to change course if you feel like what you’ve already done isn’t working for your child or for your family,” she said.

Parents can think about options such as using parental controls, switching to a flip phone, or deleting apps or features, Greenberg said.

Of course, kids may not react pleasantly to such a change, but don’t let that stop you from acting if you think it would benefit them, she said.

Parents can use this script, Greenberg suggested: “When we first gave you your smartphone, there were things we didn’t know about how it might impact you. There are a lot of scientists and doctors who are doing research on the effects smartphones are having on kids, and we’re learning a lot more than we knew before. We have to make some changes because we want to make sure that we’re doing the healthiest thing for you.”

She suggested parents talk about your own struggles to get your smartphone use right as a way of (literally) connecting and acknowledging that it’s difficult for all of us to resist their pull.

What can you do now that you know it could be quite dangerous to allow young kids to use smartphones? If your child doesn’t yet have one, start talking to other parents in your community to collectively agree not to let your kids get them until they’re older.

Keeping our kids away from smartphones could be one of the smartest decisions parents make. (CNN)