Noting wey son of man no go see for Lagos road. Orisirisi tings na im dey happen. Man wey no get strong mind no fit do taxi driver work for Lagos. I swear !

Dat's why everyday I comot for house and come back, I dey always tank Eledumare bcos if no be im, man for don peme since for Lagos road. Olorun maje.

See like di order day wey one passenger carry me for charter go Apapa. E  say e want go clear im container wey just arrive for wharf.

Una kukuma sabi di kind Go-slow wey dey always dey for dat Apapa Wharf road – morning, afternoon and night. Road wey trailer dem don park for di two side, from Ojuelegba go reach wharf. In fact, dat Apapa Wharf Road own no be Go-slow again, na traffic jam.

We comot for our garage wey dey for near Ikeja under bridge by exactly 8:30 o’clock a.m in di morning, we no reach Wharf till 1:30 o’clock p.m in di afternoon. Tori Olorun!

As e be charter, na so I begin wait for di Omo Nna till 4 o'clock p.m in di evening. I no complain sha. My people dey talk am say owo lopaa (na money kill am)

Before me and Emeka comot for Wharf, night don begin come. I drop am for im house for Opebi around 10:30 o’clock p.m. in di night.  Emeka pay me better money sha.

I look time, I see say I no fit go garage again dat night, na im I say make I just take Allen Avenue, begin dey go Guinness side, den face Abule Egba wey I dey live with my family.

As I drive dey go for Allen dat night, come see orisirisi sisi dem wey tanda for road side dey find customer. If you see wetin dem wear, to waka naked sef better pass.

Any car dem see, dem go flash am make e stop.

Na so one stop me o, I match break fiiaaam. E just open door and jump inside my guonguoro. I ask am why e just jump enter, e no tell me wia e dey go. I tell am say I be taxi driver, I no dey find customer.

Di sisi say e know. E say make I no vex, say e don tanda tire since evening, no customer. E say leg don dey pain am so im want begin go house.

I ask am wia e dey live, e say na Dopemu. I say okay, since na my route, make we dey go. Say I go drop am for Dopemu, den begin go my house. I tell am my price, e gree.

Na im we begin dey go. I take Awolowo Way for Ikeja, enter Anifowoshe,  burst out for Agege Motor Road (Ikeja Along), den  begin face Mangoro.

As we just pass Cement bus stop small, di sisi say make I stop, say e want piss. Since na late night, nobody go arrest me so I stop. E say make I clear and park well. I park.

Dat place dark becos street light no dey. As I just park, di sisi commot im clothe. E say make I put on inner light for am. Na im I ask am say sebi na piss e want piss. E say make I put on di light make e see well come down and piss.

My broda, I put on di inner light, come see di sisi siddon stark naked, no bra, no pant. Olorun Oba o!

Na im di sisi take im hand and put off di inner light. E come fall for my body, hold di rope of my shokoto trouser and begin pull am to grab my kini.

I ask am wetin e dey do, di sisi tell me say I suppose to understand nah. E say market bad well well for Allen dat night, say make I just do am and pay am any amount wey e go take chop for morning. Tori Olorun!

Na dat time I sabi wetin I don enter so. Di sisi want rape me sef. I tell am make e take am easy. I say I don gree but make we comot for dat dark place, say bad boys dem dey hide for dia every night and dem even kill one man and im wife for dat same place last night as dem stop to piss.

Di sisi come fear, e say abeg make I drive comot for dia quick quick. I tell am say make we go make I pay hotel make we do TDB. E say okay, e ask me how much I go pay am, I tell am say make we go and check in for di hotel first.

Di sisi happy no be small, e come dey call me Honey. Me sef dey call am SweetRat.

Di sisi shock wen e see me drive am enter for Dopemu Police Station. Di DPO sabi me well well. As di DPO see me drive in with di sisi, e first laugh, den come ask me say, "Oga MAT, you bring customer come for us by dis kind time?"

I tell di DPO: “Oga mmi sir, dis one pass customer o. Dis one na ogbologbo winch.” All di Olopa for di station come begin laugh.

Dem tell di sisi make e come down for my guonguoro, dem carry am naked like dat go for counter.

I tell Olopa everyting wey happen, dem take my statement and ask me to go my house go meet my family, say time don too go.

As dem push di sisi go behind di counter, I wave am and say: “Good night my SweetRat.”

Ashewo oshi! Ashewo buruku!! Ashewo kobo kobo!!!

Up till dis time wey I dey nack una dis tori so, I no fit open my mouth tell my family wetin happen dat night.

Make we jam again on Friday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.