I come dey talk am for my mind say, which day dis beer parlour woman come become big madam like dis?

As I pour My Usual put for cup, na im Madam Shine phone begin ring. I no know wetin di person wey call am dey talk, but Madam Shine jus dey talk say:

“Yes my dear, this is your Big Mummy. The only Big Mummy who dines and wines with the high and mighty. Don't worry, your problem will soon be solved. I have already talked to the governor about it. (Pause). Did you collect your receipt when you paid? (Pause). Ok. Just make your second payment and make sure you collect your receipt. (Pause). No, I'm not in my office right now. I have just landed in Abuja airport. I will be back next week after my meeting in Aso Rock.(Pause). Okay bye my dear brother. Always remember that Big Mummy loves you and is ready to make you a billionaire.”

As Madam Shine jus finish dat call, im phone begin ring again. E pick am, and na di same ting e tell dis second person wey call.

As me and Madam Shine dey for di buka, up to 10 people call am, and na di same ting e tell all of dem. Tori Olorun!

Madam Shine continue to dey show me photo.

Na so one bobo like dat enter. As Madam Shine jus see di bobo, e jump up and embreast am. E tell me, “Oga MAT, meet one of the people I want to make billionaire. They are all my children. I am their Big Mummy.”

Na so di bobo shift comot for wia Madam Shine stand with am. Di bobo come spark. E ask Madam Shine shebi e tell am now now for phone say e jus land for Abuja. E ask am weda na Aso Rock be dis.

Di bobo tell Madam Shine make e return di money wey e don pay am since last year. E say di land wey Madam Shine promise to sell to am for Abuja, e never see am up till now. And na so so money Madam Shine dey tell am to pay since dat time. Now, land e no see, money e no see.

Madam Shine jus vex. E ask di bobo who give am dat kind mind to talk to Big Mummy like dat. E say see small rat wey e wan turn to billionaire come dey talk to am like dat.

Madam Shine shout for di bobo head no be small. E tell di bobo say if e no comot for im buka kia kia, e go see im red eye now. E bring out phone to make call.

Na so di bobo tell am say e go comot becos e know say Madam Shine don buy all di olopa and e can do anyting to anybody. But make e remember say na Ijebu man e be. Di bobo waka comot.

I look Sikiratu. Sikiratu look me. Na dat time I understand why Sikiratu been dey cut eye foe me. Laugh nearly drop for my mouth.

I no come know Oga Lai and Madam Shine, who come dey lie pass.

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you

Tank you very much

And tank you very, very much indeed.