Dem say Lagos na “Centre of Excellence”, and I gree.

Everyting wey happen for Lagos dey pass di one wey happen any order place. Which mean say, everyting for Lagos na excellent as dem talk am.

Roads for Lagos na excellent. Go-slow nko? Dat one na double excellent. Di same ting with gbomo gbomo a.k.a kidnapping. Amu robber sef dey inside. Make una tell me, which order town for Naija excellent pass Lagos?

Since dis mber month show face, rain sef don come join. Wen rain been dey fall for order town dem for Naija, Lagos rain wait till year wan end so.

Di rain come join all di excellent road dem, and di excellent open gutter wey dirty full for inside, di result na orisirisi river for Lagos.

Di rain wey fall yesterday morning be like say na wintch dem send am.

I wake up very early dat yesterday say make I rush go carry my passenger wey don book me since last week to go drop am for Airport.

As I jus wake up, na im di wintch rain start. And di kind wicked wind and thunder wey follow di rain na ogbonge.

I carry umbrella say make I go warm di engine of my guonguoro, na so di wind blow di umbrella tear am into pieces.

I manage go begin warm di engine sha. Small time, my torch light chinko phone begin ring. I check, na my passenger call me.

Di bobo begin Hala. E say weda I don forgot say I suppose to come carry am go drop for airport. E say e don prepare finish dey wait for me since one hour now. E say if I know say I no go come carry am, I for tell am make e for arrange anoder taxi driver since last week.

I jus dey beg di bobo. I tell am say I for don reach im house for Masha Surulere since, if no be dis wintch rain wey dey fall. I tell am say I dey on my way.

Na so I comot for my house for Abule Egba, begin fire my guonguoro for inside dat rain dey go Surulere to carry my passenger go drop for Ikeja airport.

As I pass Guinness small, to go pass near our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge, come see one big river for road.

I revise say make I go take Mangoro, pass Ikeja Along, den take Awolowo Way burst out for Alausa. Wen I reach Ikeja Council, na im I jam river wey pass River Niger sef. Olorun Oba o!

I manage use my guonguoro swim di river, pass our garage, take Ikeja Round About and begin face Maryland.

I no know say di river wey dey wait for me for Leventis bus stop pass di Red Sea. And if I make mistake enter am, di ting go jus swallow both me plus including my guonguoro patapata. Olorunmaje!

I put my gear for revise, say make I turn go pass Opebi Link Road to Ojota, I jus hear gbossaaa! I don enter deep gutter for dat heavy rain be dat! And na only me dey for road for centre of excellence. Tori Olorun!

I no know wen I begin speak in tongues Bismillahosalobuaabasimbok!!!

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you

Tank you very much

And tank you very, very much indeed.