Since yesterday I dey find my ting, I no see. I no know who carry am, but I must find out. If I lie, make I baf naked for bafroom.

Dis my taxi driver work no dey give me time at all, at all. I dey always dey for road 24/7.

And as I get big big woman pikin dem – Bisi and Funke – I must to monitor dia waka. I no wan hear tori tomorrow say, I miss dis, I miss dat. Anybody wey miss anyting must go find am for any place e take miss am. Period!

Di woss na dat my second pikin. Funke no dey hear word ra-ra-ra. Im own na kill and chop, even if na im grand papa age mate. Dat Funke! I no know di person blood e carry, weda na my blood or na im mama own.

Even dat dia mama sef, I don dey get double mind about am. No be say I dey suspect my wife o. But since dat day wen Bose tell me korokoro say e wan begin do oyibo work for night club, na im I begin fear am.

Na becos of all dis ting I travel go meet Baba Ijebu last year. As I tell Baba all my fear, Baba say make I no worry. E prepare someting give me.

E put di ting for inside one black pot like dat, den take red cloth tie am. Baba say make I keep di ting for under my bed wey nobody fit see.

I tell Baba say na for face-me-I-face-you I dey live with my wife and two pikin dem. Baba say if na so, e go do someting wey be say even as di ting dey for under bed, nobody go fit see am, only me.

Baba tell me say, di ting work na to capture everyting wey my family dey talk and do for inside house wen I no dey house. E say e go even capture any visitor wey come my house for my back.

Baba tell me wetin I go dey tell di ting if I wan sabi every ting my people do wen I no dey.

But Baba tell me one ting I must not chop. E say any day I chop am, di ting go spoil. I tell Baba say dat one na small ting nah. For where I go even see am chop wen I no dey for village wey dat ting dey nyafu-nyafu?

Since dat last year wen I keep di ting for under bed, di ting dey tell me everyting wey happen for house wen I come back. And nobody sabi say di ting dey dia.

But yesterday wen I come back, I no see di ting again. I don look for am every corner of di room and parlour wey we dey live, I no see am. And I no fit tell anybody say someting miss.

But I dey suspect my wife Bose. Before I comot for house dis morning, Bose see as I bend down, dey find someting under di bed. As I look up, I catch am wen e dey laugh.

I ask my wife wetin make am laugh, e say na di ting wey dem dey talk for radio make am laugh.

E say dem dey talk for radio say server dey miss. E say di way dem take talk am, e be like server na di ting wey dey capture tings.

I come talk am for my mind say, na my own server dey miss so, and I must to find out who carry my server. I swear!

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.