All dis plenty year wey I dey drive dis my guonguoro upandan for Lagos, I no sabi say people dey do lovi lovi like dis.

Dat yesterday morning wen I want comot for house dey go my garage for near Ikeja under bridge, na im my wife Bose come hold me for my waist, look into my eye tititi, den kiss me di kind kiss wey e never kiss me since I marry am.

After dat, Bose tell me say: “Good morning, my sweetheart.” Afraid come catch me. See me see troublem o.  I come talk am for my mind say na which day dis kind lovi lovi start?

Bose wey be say e don tey wen e even allow me touch am, even though say na my wife and mama of my two pikin dem -Bisi and Funke.

Any day my hand make mistake touch Bose small, e go say weda I no sabi say I don old. E go call me agbaya. Di ting dey vex me gan.

So, wen Bose hold me, kiss me and call me sweetheart dat yesterday morning, I come begin suspect am weda e get someting wey e dey target for my pocket.

Bose hand no even comot for my body wen Bisi and Funke rush enter room. Dem come give me red hat and red shirt. Dem say na di tings wey I go wear troughout dat yesterday be dat.

Na im I ask dem wetin happen to my shokoto trouser and jumper. Na im all of dem, plus including dia mama, come begin laugh me like say I rub shit for body. Na dat time dem come call me old papa, dem say weda I no know say na Val Day we dey.

Bose say I must to close and come back house early make we comot go do Val dat evening. Na so I come wear di red hat and shirt, and begin go for garage.

As I reach garage, I no see any of our union member dem. I surprise. Small time, one bobo come with two sisi dem. Di three both of dem wear red clothe. I say shoooo, so I don come wear uniform with dis small pikin dem.

Well sha... Dem say make I carry dem for drop go Badagry Beach.  I charge dem, dem gree. Di bobo and di two sisi siddon for back seat. Di bobo na im dey for center. We don begin dey go be dat.

Di ting wey dis people do for inside my guonguoro, my mouth no fit talk am. Dem no know say I dey take style look dem like cinema for my mirror.

As we dey go for road, na so di bobo begin dey kiss di two sisi at di same time. Di next ting be say, one of di sisi carry up im red T-shirt and bra, and na im di bobo begin dey suck like new born baby dey suck im mama breast.

E no finish dia o.  Di second sisi open di zip of di bobo trouser, bring out di bobo kini, and put am for mouth like corn. Tori Olorun! Na di ting dem do till I drop dem for Badagry Beach.

As I dey come back, anoder bobo say make I carry am for drop kia kia, go for Shoprite for Alausa,  say im babe don call am say e dey wait for am. Di bobo wear di same ting I wear. 

From dia reach Alausa, di bobo call like five different sisi dem, dey tell dem di same ting.  “Honey, I love you. Hope we are gonna make real hard f**k today. Remember it’s Val.”

I come talk am for my mind say se no be mama born all dis pikin dem? I come remember di bobo and two sisi wey I first go drop for Badagry. I remember dis Alausa bobo. So na wetin Val mean be dis?

I shake my head becos I sabi say na after nine month di result of all dis Val go come out.

Bose nearly break my head wen I come back for late night dat yesterday. I try to explain say I carry passenger dem go everywia for Lagos, my wife no want hear.

E say tomorrow o, make I know say I no dey comot for house. E say I must carry am go wia we go do our own Val from morning till night.

And na dat tomorrow be dis. Abeg, if any of una call my line today and I no answer, make una no vex. Just know say I still dey inside Val matter with Bose.

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.