Di kind orisirisi tings wey dey shele for dis obodo Naija, na only God go save person. No wonder di hole world dey talk am say Naija no dey carry last. And na true.  For good o, we dey dia. For bad nko? We full ground.

Na so one bobo like dat come for our garage wey dey for near under Ikeja bridge yesterday. E say make I carry am for drop go Ajao Estate, for Oshodi side.

Na im I chuk head put for Airport Road. As we reach Air Force base bus stop, for dat International Airport Road, di bobo shout “Stop, stop, stop!” I ask am wetin happen. I know no know say di bobo see one sisi wey tanda for road, dey wait for taxi.

I match break fiiaamm. Di bobo signal di sisi make e come. Di sisi come. E ask di sisi wia e dey go, di sisi tell am say e dey go Ajao Estate. Na im di bobo tell am say na di same place we dey go, say make e enter make we drop am. Di bobo open di door of my guonguoro for am, and e jump enter siddon for back seat with di bobo.

We no even move one pole wen di bobo begin tune di sisi. E ask di sisi name, di sisi tell am say im name na Sandra.  Di bobo say “O, Sandra, what a fine name!” Di sisi say “Tank you”.

Di bobo tell am say im name na G-Boy, say im be businessman. E say e send im G-wagon Benz go car wash, dat’s why e just manage my guonguoro.

Me I just dey listen, I do like say I no hear wetin di two both of dem dey talk.

Di bobo tell di sisi say e buy im car N100 million last week, e say di chain wey dey im neck na N5 million and di ring for im finger na N3.5 million e take buy am. E say everyting wey e wear for body as e dey so,  plus including im shoe, shirt, trouser and boxers, na noting less dan N50 million.

Na so di sisi just open mouth dey look am. Small time, di bobo don dey touch, touch di sisi and na so di sisi just fall yakata for di bobo body.

Di bobo open wallet, bring out 100 dollar and give di sisi. Na so di sisi head just scater. E begin dey kiss di bobo piom, piom, piom. Di bobo tell am say "I love you baby." Di sisi tell di bobo, “I love you more.” Dem begin kiss again piom, piom, piom.  I come talk am for my mind say today na today.

Di next ting be say, di bobo ask di sisi what type of pant e like to wear. Di sisi tell am say na G-string e dey like to wear, but since dis year, e don stop to dey wear pant as Yahoo Boy dem don turn woman pant to ATM.  Di bobo ask am weda as di sisi siddon so, e no wear pant, di sisi say e no wear.

Di bobo come say, “Bullshit! Dat’s nonesense! And you believe that crab?” Di sisi tell am say, no be say e believe, but na so people talk am.

Di bobo tell di sisi make e no believe dat kind of rubbish, say e go carry am now go one supermarket make e select any number and colour of G-string pant e want, say e get enough money to buy am, even if na to pay for dollars. Di sisi gree. Na so dem embreast demsef, and begin kiss again piom, piom, piom. Me, I just dey take style dey look dem for mirror.

As I turn enter Ajao Estate, we drive small, na im di bobo see one super market, e tell me make I stop and park well. Before I open my mouth, di bobo take 50 dollar slap my face. E say make I no worry, say e go settle me for my time. Which one be my own nah, if no be money to use take care of my family and take “My Usual” once in a while.

Na so di bobo hold di sisi hand like people wey just do wedding, cross to di order side of di street, to go buy pant for supermarket.

E no reach five minute wey dem enter di supermarket, na im I begin hear noise. One sisi just dey shout, “Na im be dis, make una helep me hold am. A beg make una call police o ooo!”

Before I open my eye, people don full di hole place. I see as dem drag di bobo out, dey beat am, dey kick am, dey pour am saliva for face. Sandra come dey cry, dey shout, “Please leave my honey alone, he is not a thief.”

All di area boy dem wey dey for Ajao Estate come dey beat dis bobo sote e dey vomit blood. Dem just dey ask am, “Wia dat pant? If you no bring am, we go kill you here now!”

Na im di bobo hand over di small bag wey e hang for neck, give di people wey dey beat am. Dem open di bag, come see orisirisi woman pant for inside di bag! Olorun Oba o!

Tank God say Olopa dem come on time, if no be so, dem wan hang tyre for di bobo neck burn am alive.

Di sisi wey dey shout come tell Olopa as G-Boy carry am dat same morning come dat same supermarket come buy pant for am make e wear am, follow am go for one Short-time hotel for area. E say after dem do lovi lovi finish, na im G-Boy carry im pant, and took off. Di sisi say dat’s why e come ask di supermarket people wetin happen, dem tell am make e wait, say di bobo dey always bring sisi dem come di supermarket, come buy dem pant.

Na im Olopa dem ask G-Boy wetin e dey take woman pant do. G-Boy no want talk, na im one area boy use one kind heavy boot like dat kick am for chest. G-Boy come manage talk say e dey plan to gather like 40 woman pant, go give one Baba for Ijebu make e take do money juju for am. E say di Baba tell am say di more di stain for di pant, di more di money wey go come out. E say im be ogbologbo Yahoo Boy for area.

I use one eye see Sandra waka. Me sef cross go enter my guonguoro and took off.

So, woman dross don turn to ATM?  Tori Olorun!

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very, much indeed.