By BOSEDE OLA-SAMUEL

I had a discussion on sex with a medical doctor this week. The reason was that I was searching for solutions to the sexual frustrations of married couples. One of the frustrations is the inability to have at least two rounds of sex at a go. This frustration is in alignment with a myth about how needful and good it is, at least, two rounds of sex for married couples. According to the myth, more than one round of sex is a pointer to great sex.

My medical doctor also confirmed the existence of this myth about marital sex.

So, I kept thinking and researching about it, and my findings and conclusions are the heart of this write-up.

‘Having more than one round of sex in a marriage is important’: This is not true. While a married couple can have two to three rounds of sex at a go, it is absolutely not important. Great sex has nothing to do with how many rounds one does at a go. You can have a round of sex at a go in your marriage, and still enjoy great sex.

I do not think my husband and I have done more than one round of sex at a go, for more than five times in our almost 30 years of marriage. We could have sex twice a day regularly, but I can count the number of times we had two rounds of sex at a go. Yet, we are enjoying great sex in our marriage.

As a result of this myth, many couples are labouring themselves on the search for ways to have rounds of sex at a go in their marriage. They have come to tie sexual fulfilment or performance to how many rounds of sex at a go they can engage in. Thus, they crave how to last for two hours during sex with their spouses.

I frequently get asked by some followers of this column how to have more than one round of sex at a time. This is coming from the myth earlier mentioned. No wonder the market for ‘manpower’ has witnessed consistent growth in our generation. No thanks to this myth or make-believe.

There is absolutely no reason why one should lose their peace over the inability to have more than one round of sex at a time in marriage. It is absolutely not important. What is important is to enjoy great sex, which definitely is not tied to many rounds of sex at a go.

What great sex entails

Great s3x is beautiful and comes from the art of sex. A wife once said, in a conflict resolution session with her husband, that her husband did not know “how to sex.” In essence, there is a “how” for sex, and not knowing it will endanger a marriage.

As I write, that wife and husband are divorced today, and the main culprit is not knowing how to have sex in marriage.

How to have sex includes the following:

*Foreplay

*Sex styles

*Sex timing — morning, afternoon, evening or night.

*Quick sex

*Sex locations outside the bedroom and bed. Places like the sofa, floor, bathroom, kitchen, etc.

*Get away moment of sex.

All the above are ways to enjoy great sex, without having more than one round of sex at a time. You can have full details of this by reading my book ‘Enjoying Great Sex’.

The myth of many rounds might have come from prostitution or side-chick experience. S3x with a prostitute or a side chick is not something regular or permanent. So, the tendency is to make use of the opportunity while it lasts. It is like trying to have the full value for one’s money for securing the engagement. So, many people involved don’t spare efforts to go as many rounds as possible, courtesy of sex enhancing drugs, in most cases.

Trying to subject one’s spouse to such an experience of many rounds of s3x in marriage is not important. You have yourselves always and for life, so you can take your time to enjoy yourselves to the fullest.

The dangers of the myth of many rounds of sex in marriage

*Unrealistic expectations from your spouse. You will come to believe that unless you can engage in many rounds of sex at a go, you are a bedroom failure. And the same way is how you perceive your spouse and vice versa.

*Emotional and physical exhaustion in couples. You feel emotionally drained trying to engage in many rounds of sex at a go, and this greatly impacts the physical well-being of a couple.

* Unnecessary quarrels over nothing. This happens when the couple cannot agree on many rounds of sex at a time. This is one of the reasons a spouse may be dodging sex, through many excuses. It could be the undertone for many unexplainable conflicts among couples.

So, let married couples stop losing sleep over a myth that has no strong basis for great s3x in marriage.

You can avail yourself of copies of my books, Enjoying Great Sex in Marriage’ and ‘How to Help Your Wife Enjoy Sex’. Contact 08112658560 for details. SMS only.

*PLS USE Bosede Ola-Samuel’s INTIMACY COLUMN LOGO FROM TRIBUNE