My Marriage Manual, By Esther Chizaram Ngele

Posted by News Express | 23 February 2020 | 1,417 times

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•Esther Chizaram Ngele


What, therefore, God hath joined together, let not man put asunder; not even us!

How do you tell a man that you’re powerful without sounding tacky?

We’re a team, we’re partners, we are lovers and above all, we’re one.

We both have roles, duties and obligations towards one another.

Maybe, if I write you a manual, you’ll be guided.

As I hear this journey is not easy. So, while we’re still in love and have the utmost respect and regard for each other, let’s imbibe this manual.


He who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour from the Lord.

First of all, you found me, not I, you. Treasure me! Even as I thee!

You should be sure I’m the one you’ve been searching for, so act like it.

Make me your goal. I would want to be needed and loved.

It could be love at first sight for you, but it’s certainly not for me.

Assumption is a sin. I repeat; assumption is a sin!

Don’t claim I’m playing hard to get when you haven’t done the needful.

Communication is nine-tenth of love

Start with the right foot the very first time I give you my number. Call, text but don’t just text.

Call me when you said you would. And, if for a good reason you couldn’t, please notify.

Wake me up with loving calls, just as you put me to sleep with a pleasant smile on my face.

Communicate with me! Again, don’t assume I should know and would understand.

Tell me your plans; the big picture and also the tiny bits we must conquer.

I’d rather hear the ugly news from you than find out about it. It may not guarantee forgiveness, but it sure will give you recognition for mitigation when the judgment comes.

Allow me to make my inputs no matter how needless you think they might be. I have the sitting intuitive powers; you don’t. I’m a woman; I can multi-task in case you get carried away; so carry me along.

I come with a price. My family! Love them as much as I do and respect them. Show me that you know their value, worth and significance in my life. Without them there will be no me, you know.

It’s about us, but it’s about family too. Including yours!

Don’t ever make me question where I belong with you! It’s not what you say, it’s what you do.

Allow me to be me as much as you try to enhance me. I had a life before I met you, remember?

I will always be there for you and us. Show me you have the right vision for us.

It is wives submit yourselves to your husbands, not subject yourselves to your husbands. You’re my lord, but I am not your slave.

You’re the head and the shoulder and I am the neck which sits in between. I am not to be ignored.

Our love could be a slice of heaven, and that’s if you want to make heaven. There are duties and responsibilities!

Love could be perfect. It takes two to tangle!

You told me that Roman was not built in a day. But then, remember, every brick was carefully laid.

Don’t ever gamble with us just to prove you’re the man to your friends. Don’t!

I am the weaker vessel but I’m also a smart vessel. Please listen!

I need you just like you need me. It breaks my heart when I have to wait to get your attention. It pains me deeply when I’ve to ask for time over and over again.

You may not understand and I would hate for you to call me a nag. So, I’ll pretend all is well while my heart suffers. Then you will suffer.


I am your biggest fan and loyalist, but I am also your check light.

Life is much easier with us together. We’re unstoppable together.

Don’t play mature and let me go when we fight. Fight for us not against us no matter how hurtful I may become; and if I ever become vengeful remind me you’re me.

When I hurt you I hurt myself. Heaven knows I need this love to conquer the world.


We both have our choices to make and our preferences to decide, so we chose each other.

Isn’t that wonderful? You’re my soul-mate. I should know you and you me.

So no matter how bad it is it’s better I hear it from you. So, who are you?

I don’t have to go through your CIA to get to you!


My being faithful to you is not just out of obedience to the holy command from God, but mostly out of respect for myself and my body. You should feel that way too.

It is not a man’s nature to be polygamous. No! That’s a societal lie. It’s by choice.

It’s not just your body you betray if you cheat but also mine. Don’t defile me!

It may be easy to forgive but we may never be the same.

It’s like cutting a rope and tying it back together; it can never be the same length my darling. And the lost ends might be our core.

Trust me, it’s not worth it.


Be there for them. Be the best dad to them as I the best mum, while we’re still here.

They have physical needs as well as emotional and psychological needs. Please, don’t wreak them!

Give them the best memories of us so that even when they are old and frail, they will still wish to be little children when they think of us.

And we smile from heaven holding hands together!

I love you my love, don’t ever doubt that; if I hurt you I hurt myself. Even the Lord proved it when two scriptures were merged as one: Mark 10:8 and Mark 10:9 equals Matthew 19:6.


Forever and ever we shall be together!

So close that even when death comes, we shall have the sweetest memories of each other.

Scholars shall study our love, as the romantics shall dwell in the thought of it.

We shall be warriors, the conquerors of hate and divorce.

No weapon formed against us shall prosper, and every tongue that rise against us in judgment – We shall condemn. 

•Esther Chizaram Ngele, a Law Student, writes from Enugu and can be reached via


Source: By Esther Chizaram Ngele

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