Recalling the past, relieving the present to escape the trauma of divorce

Posted by News Express | 25 July 2019 | 1,342 times

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Any adult who has no past has nothing to offer the future generation. Therefore, whoever does not learn from the past will repeat the errors of the past. Whoever does not remember the past has no present and is unlikely to remember the future. The mistakes of the past will be repeated, if its lessons were not learnt the first time. The wise recalls the past when appropriate, ponders over its lessons, is aware of its mistakes, ensures those mistakes are not repeated, and educates other people to avoid similar errors.

That is what is called experience. If one fails to recall the past, one lacks experience and is no different from a child in that life sphere. One of the unforgettable experiences in life is marriage. Even when one triumphed over a miserable and cruel spouse, one cannot and must not forget the joys and pains of the triumphant battle.

Personally, joys come to mind more often. I escaped. Yes, the term escape is proper. No one expected it. I am glad I did not live up to their expectations. Divorce is coolness. Divorce is gracefully melodious.

AlHamduliLlah Who did not make marriage a dungeon from which there is no exit.

Because my previous marriage lasted only eight months, the effects of trauma ended almost as soon as I resolved for an escape. I sat in my spacious new home. To my amazement, I was overcome with loneliness. I sneered at the feeling. I have lived alone for so many years and I feel lonely after just eight months? I wept to Allah: Oh Allah! Do not make me hurt myself – by returning to him – because of loneliness! Keep me company!

AlHamduliLlah Who has remained with His slave.

After my triumph, I swore to myself: Never again will I experience such. Among my personal oaths was I will crash my next marriage within two weeks, if my spouse demonstrates any trace of undesirable traits. I bear no bitterness. Bitterness is not a feature of a victorious end to a very brief exposure to psychological, emotional, and physical aberrations. That is a lesson from the past, for those who value their future.

Everyone who desires an escape route has one. Everyone who desires minimal injuries can have that. Everyone who desires a clear heart, despite exposure to negativity, can have it. A way out of distress, reduced lingering side effects, and a pure heart are all within reach and more attainable than many people imagine.

I recall the past to take steps to prevent the menace of the past becoming the nuisance of the future. When I departed from the home I shared with my former spouse, I refused to inform anyone associated with him of my new residence; a precaution to ensure he does not trail me. To a friend who boldly asked: “Where is your husband?” I responded emphatically, “I do not have a husband. I got rid of him.” That ruled out any unwarranted attempt by my friends at bringing him back into my life.

One mistake some individuals, especially women, make is to act as if they are unsure of the divorce. That uncertainty is likely to be conveyed with much exaggeration to the former spouse, who receives the news as an invitation. He turns up at the woman’s door. The cycle of trauma begins anew.

I prepared myself psychologically for any such unwanted visit. I was prepared to teach him a lesson. Several years ago on Facebook, I came across him. I once again prepared myself, psychologically, for war. He should never forget the lessons I taught him during those eight months. He was the one with the punches, but I in my silence brought him to his knees and to tears. He can handout punches, but he could not handle silent resilience.

AlHamduliLlah Who strengthens us even in our weakness.

We apparently shared a friend, who thenceforth tagged the two of us along with a few others. Whether her actions were deliberate or not, I protected myself and my sanity by clicking the remove friend link. End of issue. Today, the same skill of silent resilience is relevant when a gang of creatures make malicious remarks against me. They expect a reaction from me – an exchange of heated words. When they do not receive it, they are driven to hyper-frustration!

The past is rich with valuable experiences. The past offers one a look at self in a time younger and inexperienced. It is left to one to decide what to do with those memories. My memories are important to me. I choose to recall the sweet memories and learn from the hurtful memories without recalling the specifics of the hurt to retain a peaceful heart.

Umm Sulaim is the Publisher of Umm Sulaim’s Thoughts (

Copyright © 2019 Umm Sulaim. All rights reserved.

Source: News Express

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