Expensive shit!

Posted by News Express | 29 March 2019 | 2,110 times

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Baba Fela alias Abami Eda don talk am tele tele sote e take am sing wen e still dey alive, but I no believe say one day, me sef go witness Expensive Shit in di curse (Olorun maje) of my duty.

Me, Akpan Jimoh, Emeka Idowu and order of our union member dem siddon togeder yesterday afternoon for our garage wey dey for near Ikeja under bridge.

We dey play whot, as e be say passenger no gree show face dat afternoon. We don play reach four round wen one bobo and one sisi waka enter garage.

Dem say dem wan carry drop go National Theater for Iganmu. And e come be say na my turn to carry passenger dat afternoon. I tell di bobo my price, e gree. Na im I say make dem enter. Di two both of dem enter for back seat. We don dey go be dat.

I chuk head put for Airport Road, pass Sheraton Hotel to Onigbongbo den to Maryland.

As we just want enter Ikorodu Road, come see ogbonge Go – slow for road. Na so we just dey move small small, like snail waka.

We don nearly pass Idiroko bus stop wen I hear pprruuaaarrh for back seat. I turn my eye to see wia di sound come from.

Di bobo say make I no vex, say na im girlfriend pollute. I come talk am for my mind say shoooor, so fine sisi like dis dey mess?

We no even move one pole wen di sisi trowey double pprruuaaarrh! pprruuaaarrh!! Tori Olorun!

Di next ting be say, di sisi come shout: “Driver stop, stop, stop! I’m pressed!!!” I ask wetin happen, di bobo say make I park, say im sisi want ease imsef. I say make e ease imsef nah, sebi e don day ease am since.

Di sisi come shout: “If you don’t park immmediately, I will poo poo inside this taxi o!” Nobody tell me to match break fiaaam. Tank God say we never pass dat Idiroko bus stop.

I no even stop finish wen di sisi open di back door, jump down and rush straight to di back of di bus stop. Di bobo run follow am for nyansh.

Wen dem come back, I tell di sisi pele. E say tank you. Di bobo tell me make I no vex, say na di Nkwobi wey dem follow dia friend dem chop for one joint like dat di night before cause am.

E say dem just come from America last week and dem say make dem follow chop di nkwobi wey dem don dey hear.

We come dey go small, small again for inside di Go-slow for Ikorodu Road. We pass Anthony bus stop small wen di sisi shout again: “Driver, please stop, stop, stop!!!”

I tell am say na for express we dey so and no bus stop or bush wey dey near. I ask dem weda na so taxi dey stop any how for America . I say Naija no be so o, say here LASTMA, Road Safety, Olopa . . . 

I no even talk finish wen di sisi shout again: “It’s coming oooo!” Di next ting, I just hear Prraaahhh! Prraaahhh!!  Prraaahhh!!!  Di sisi don shit for trouser be dat. Tori Olorun!

We dey for inside Go-slow, I no fit stop or enter service lane to park. We just dey go small small. Di kind smell wey come dey boom for inside my guonguoro, na die.

We manage reach Obanikoro, den Palmgrove. As we want pass Onipanu, di sisi shout say di ting don dey come again. Di bobo say make di sisi kukuma do am again for inside. Say di driver understand. Na wa o. So my guonguoro don turn to shalanga for dis people?

Wen we reach Fadeyi, di traffic don reduce small. I manage enter service lane, den drive enter one car wash wey dey near dat filling station.

I say make di bobo and im sisi come down, say I want wash my motor. As di bobo hold di sisi hand make dem come down, di sisi shout say di ting don dey come again.

Na im I beg one car wash boy for dia make e go show dem toilet. Na so di sisi hold im trouser nyansh run dey go for di back of di car wash, im bobo run follow am. Everybody use hand cover nose, dey look around to see wetin dey smell.

Quick, quick I jump enter my guonguoro and took off. Di only ting be say, I no fit carry anoder passenger for road.

Na wen I reach anoder car wash for Moshalashi, before Idioro, na im I say make dem wash my guonguoro from head to toe.

Na so I take close go home early dat yesterday from di car wash, make dem no take expensive shit finish my guonguoro.

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very very much indeed.

Source: News Express

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