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Suicide not an option

By Esther Chizaram Ngele on 17/02/2019

Views: 515

•Esther Chizaram Ngele
•Esther Chizaram Ngele

“I’m coming, my love! I’m coming…!” Big Joe kept muttering to himself as he twisted and turned: Laid down on the hard floor of Waterloo Bridge pavement. There was an unusual snow in Westwood, London City Centre.

“Take my hand!” a voice called. It was a man’s voice with a deep British accent. But Big Joe kept wriggling himself by the cold wall close to the rails of the bridge. “Give me your hand!” he repeated. “Sire sire?” he called. “Oh dock! Big Joe cursed. “Who, me?” Big Joe asked. “Yes you” he answered. “And you’d think he cared” Big Joe taunted. “He’s a brute. He’s just a brute!” Big Joe kept grouching randomly. “Excuse me?” the stranger asked, astounded as he bent to help him up. “No, you excuse me!” Big Joe retorted. “Here, have this! it’s still hot. I’m Charles.”

Groaning deeply, Big Joe took the cup of coffee and took a sip. “Fresh, huh?” Charles asked. “Here, let me help you.” “I don’t need no bloody help,” Big Joe sneered and continued sipping from the coffee.

It was 10:54pm and the weather was too chilly and windy. The sound of the wind was loud and travelled far. When they were finally seated in an inn, Big Joe – holding onto his warm towel with his eyes closed and head tilted backward – said: “He had his wicked hand on my throat when he pushed Lizzy off that bridge.”

“Here’s your food sire.” “Thanks Rose”, Charles responded as the waiter left. “Who is Lizzy and who pushed her?” Charles asked Big Joe, as he hungrily dug into the omelet. With a mouthful, “The Fundament!” he shouted and hit his fist on the table so hard that the mug shook. “He took my Lizzy-love!” Tears streamed down his bony cheeks.

“So sorry for your loss, sire,” Charles began. “But trusting in the knowledge of God is the foundation of a good life. Believing in his wisdom and ability to direct the natural course of our lives is the best choice we will make. We need to lean on Him in times of bewilderments and shocking revelations. He causes to be and hence He brings people into our lives and takes others out of our lives. It is not for us to figure out why.”

“Right there, you’ve got it! I’ve had it! He shook my core and snatched my soul. I still have to believe it’s all for love and trust Him eternally?” That’s no love, Big Joe snapped.

“Some people God allows to come into our lives for a specific reason and purpose, and once that have been achieved, they are meant to leave. But most times we get too comfortable with the way things are and wish that it would continue that way. This is because we are afraid of change and the “what ifs”, Charles continued.

“Lizzy was meant to be my eternal love; my one true love,” Big Joe railed at him. “We often long for things to remain in the same pattern we are used to, even though we are also wishing and hoping for the best. If it’s going to get better and even get to being the very best, then it cannot take the usual method,” Charles went on.

“Life comes with patterns and parcels. If it required the usual way of thinking; the accustomed way of life, then you should have had your medal by now. You cannot be doing the same thing the same way and expect new outcome. We do not only halt our growth by familiar method and cycling, but may end up creating hazards that were never in God's plans for us. If we channel the same amount of time we spend in our wishful thought into communicating with the one much greater than us; who sees beyond your thinking and bring it to his knowledge, imagine how different our lives would be.”

“He’s all-knowing! Why didn’t He pull Lizzy back from jumping?” Big Joe scoffed.

We need to let go of the lazy thinking of “well, if he is all-knowing, then he should know all my need and do it if he wants to.” Take up the challenge of according Him the respect by acknowledging His abilities. And let Him know how we truly feel.

Resting in “he knows already” without asking is resorting to karma. God is bigger than karma. In as much as He knows, we are still to take out time to ask. It is a sign of respect and surrender to this great knowledge.

No doubt, He knows: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Surely, He knows. But, again, in the next verse … “then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.” Jeremiah 29:11,12 (KJV).

Not asking and relying in the “He knows already,” is like waiting on a delivery you never ordered! He is as willing as you are eager to ask. Waiting on God in hopeful expectation should be when the request has been made.

The Bible also says: “Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him; I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.” Psalm 91:14. Do you know the name of God? What you call him is what he will be unto you. Even among us mortal, we react based on how we feel. When someone makes us feel good, we naturally tilt towards them.

Life fills us with thoughts and imaginations, but none is too big for God. Don’t condemn God. He feels your pain even as they run deep.

Big Joe looked up and stared into Charles’ eyes. This was the first time their eyes met. He stared with his mouth open into the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen. He watched as his countenance changed. They were both silent. “His love for you runs deeper than the resentments you feel towards Him.” Big Joe was calm. There was something different and soothing about this stranger’s face. For the first time he felt peaceful.

If you can conceive it in your mind, then it’s very achievable. Thoughts rule the world. It is the game of the mind. Position your mind right on the positive. “Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23) is no joke.  God knows, He understands and He feels. But, then, He sees the bigger picture, because He knows the end from the beginning. At times, though your intentions might be good and pure at the moment but, yet, things don’t work out. We have to just rely on God and understand that there is something bigger and better worth our energy.

He doesn’t look forward to seeing us miserable as a way of showing us how powerful He is, nor punish us just so we can come back to Him. These things He wished we knew and understood. No wonder the Bible says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and my people perish because they lack knowledge.

Total reliance on God saves time and energy, including your resources. Learn to let go and keep moving forward knowing that God is able. Don’t be saddled with what’s gone. Never cut your life short for whatever reason. Do not build a castle that would wash away in the end. Suicide should never be an option!

The good news is: no matter how far we have gone in the nothingness and emptiness, we can always make a U-turn. There is no shame when we are wiser and replace mistakes with achievements and leave irreparable losses in the hands of God, the All-knowing.

Remain in the steadfast belief for his steadfast love. Whether you realise it or not He cares for all. Out of his hands proceed the desires of every living thing.

It could be that you too need to make up with Him. Your reconciliation with God should introduce you to new spectra of love and harmony in your spirit. No, he didn’t cheat on you because He watched someone jump off the bridge and die.

It’s not a religious dogma but wisdom to believe in that much greater than you. You are not a product of science. You are a soul, and the spirit you should obey cannot gamble you away.

At the end, at the very end, you will realise it was all worth it, and divine.

•Esther Chizaram Ngele, a Law Student, writes from Enugu and can be reached via

Source News Express

Posted 17/02/2019 5:06:53 PM





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