Love does not exist in a vacuum (Only fools think they are lovable)

Posted by News Express | 25 July 2020 | 1,389 times

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A lot of people are being carried away by the four letter word – love –  and every day by day, they are getting their hearts broken and their hands badly burnt because they misunderstand love to be something unconditional, something freely given or even something that comes from the heart instead of the head.

But what these lover boys and lover girls have failed to realise is that the world we are living in right now is that of power game. Put in another way. The world that we are living in right now is a war theatre and in ever war situation, survival rather than romance is the watchword. That is why only fools think that they are lovable.

So, if are in power, position of authority  or things are going on well for you ,people would definitely be coming to confess love, admiration, allegiance, loyalty and even telling you stuffs  like, you`re awesome, phenomenal, the best gift that God has ever given to mankind or the best thing that has ever happened to them.

However, you must not be deceived, let alone begin to dwell on those flattery words.  Never ever begin to revel in the noise or illusion that somebody or people truly love you because love does not exist in a vacuum.

Love, no matter how it is coded, disguised or packaged, exists only on the basis of utility. People always love for something. Nobody loves for nothing.

Love exists only to the extent one is deemed useful. Love exists only to the extent one is able to provide solution or satisfaction.

Let me illustrate what I mean. As a journalist, let me begin from my own constituency. When I was the Labour Correspondent of the Sun Newspaper, the then Guardian Senior Labour Correspondent was very popular with Labour leaders.

They used to wake him up every morning with phone calls, just to know how he slept. They were sending him gifts and stuffs on a regular basis.

He began to believe the illusion that he was loved by those labour leaders. As a philosopher with the rare privilege of third eye, I knew that he was walking on a dangerous path and I warned him. But he had travelled very far on the wrong path that it became too difficult for him to turn and began to head to the right direction, which is reality, that is, nobody loves for nothing. So, he continued to live in fool’s paradise, believing that people loved him.

Just six months after my warning, Guardian newspaper had industrial challenge which led to reduction of staff and he was affected.

Immediately that happened, his phone stopped ringing and the gift stopped coming.

He became broken hearted. It was then that it became very clear to him that love exists only to the extent one is deemed useful to others.

I also know of an editor of a national newspaper in Lagos who some northern governors used to invite for breaking of fast after the fasting periods .They buy first class tickets for him to come from Lagos to their states. He was feeling “loved and very special”. But when the editor was removed from his position, the governors stopped picking his calls let alone inviting him for anything.

Again, one former governor confessed that when he was in office, every Christmas and Easter, he used to get truckloads of greeting cards. People used to spend their own money to celebrate his birthdays.

But since his tenure came to an end, those who were using their money to celebrate his birthdays don’t even send SMS to him during his birthdays, let alone celebrate it. Even the seasonal greeting cards have stopped coming. Everybody has moved on.

This is a fact of life. It happens in every sphere of life.

Therefore, you should know that love is a loan given for the purpose of profit or reward. It is something that comes from the head and never from the heart because as I said earlier, one is only loved to the extent one is deemed useful.

Following from that, whenever, somebody tells you, I love you and I am ready to die for you. Thank you is the most inappropriate thing to say.

Rather than reveling on the illusion, go to work to find out the real reason why he, she or they are confessing love or pleading loyalty and how you can maximize the love whilst it lasts.

This is because love is not what you take to the bank and put in a fix deposit. It is a franchise given for the sake of providing solution, providing satisfaction, both physically and mentally or for being useful to the giver. Love is something that the giver capitalizes upon to make exploits or get satisfaction.

So, to the extent that somebody or a people are willing to confess love to you, parley with you or even take risks or make difficult concession to you is not really that they love you in the real sense of the word but because of your usefulness to them.

This is because immediately you go to sleep or stop doing the things upon which the franchise, loan or love was given, it would be withdrawn. In the same way a bank would revoke your loan once you stop making returns on it.

Therefore, love is to human beings, what cash flow is to banks. Just as cash flow is the main reason upon banks grant loans to businesses, utility is the basis upon which human beings ‘love’.

So, love is never unconditional or freely given. Nobody loves for the sake of loving. Every ‘love’ expires the very moment the loved ceases to be useful in the calculation of the lover. This is the reality of the world that that we are living in.

So, never delude yourself that anybody loves you. Know it that you are ‘loved` to the extent that you are useful to others and that the moment you cease to be useful to others, the love would expire .It is just like somebody who used to give but stopped giving. All that he has given before goes into thin air that not even goggle can trace them.

•Culled from one of my books, titled, ‘My Son Michael’

 

ABOUT THE COLUMNIST

Peter Anosike is a well-known journalist and development economist.

His book, Dangote’s Ten Commandments on Money (Lessons on How to Make Money from One of the World’s Richest Men), was rated as one of the best development books in the world by Wall Street Journal and FORBES. The book has been adopted as a workbook for grooming entrepreneurs by the Small and Medium Enterprises Development Agency of Nigeria (SMEDAN). Anosike’s other of his books include, How To Be The Best You Can Be and Look Forward and Lean Less On Your Past – all trending in Smashwords along with Dangote’s Ten Commandment on Money and How To Be The Best You Can Be. You can follow him on Facebook and Linkedin.

                                            


Source: News Express

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