Posted by News Express | 8 October 2019 | 2,658 times
Na true wen people talk say Lagos na wa. You go dey your own jeje, you no find troublem, but troublem go dey find you come.
Di ting wey I go make our union tell Oga Sanwo-Olu any order time we go meet am again for Alausa be say, make e make law say anybody wey wan come for Lagos must to get visa. Yes ke!
E good make gofmen begin look people wey enter dis Lagos well well becos plenty people you see for Lagos dia head don baje patapata, forget say dem go wear fine clothe waka for road.
Na we taxi driver dey see all dis orisirisi people for road every day. If no be say Eledumare tanda for our back gidigba, dem for don drive us comot for business tipe tipe. If na lie I talk, make I tanda naked baf for bafroom.
Na so one sisi like dat waka come for our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge. If you see dis sisi, hmmm, you must to humble.
I first tink say di sisi been study packaging science for school becos di way e take package everyting for im body, both front and back, no how,no how, you must to swallow saliva. I swear!
Di sisi say make I carry am for drop go Ikotun Egbe. I tell am my price, e gree.
I tell am make e enter. Di sisi jus tanda dey look me. I tell am again say make e enter nah. Di sisi jus dey look me from head to toe.
After, I see say di sisi come dey look di front door, look me, den look di fron door again. Na dat time I come understand.
I turn around go im side and open di passenger front door for am. Di sisi jus carry im body like queen and enter siddon. E use im hand signal me make I bend down bring my head. I tink say e wan tell me someting for my ear. I hear piom, na peck e give me so o. I talk am for my mind say today na today. But sha, make I no lie, di peck sweet me, no be small. Sweet peck!
Na so I turn go my side, jump inside my own seat, wear my seat belt, open ignition, kick di engine, put am for gear one and move.
As we reach near Railway line for Ikeja Council, I notice say di sisi no wear im seat belt. I tell am make e wear am. Na so e signal me say make I stop.
I clear for side of di road. E signal me make I wear am seat belt. I say na wa o. Na all dis wan I go dey do today? Well sha, wetin I go do? No be money I dey find?
I bend go di sisi side make I wear am seat belt. As I pull di seat belt to put am inside di hole, di sisi carry di two extra-large ripe paw paw wey dey im chest, push am for my own chest and give me anoder peck, piom. Tori olorun!
Na so I begin move again. Small time, as we dey go, breeze come blow one kind foul odour pass my nose ffiiaamm.
I put my mouth outside window and trowey saliva. I tink say weda dem don kill anoder person for night and push di dead body put for inside gutter for dat Mangoro bus stop as usual.
As we wan pass Dopemu bus stop, di same foul odour blow pass my nose again, I say na wa o. Di sisi ask me wetin happen. I ask am weda e no hear di foul odour wey blow pass. E say e no hear.
Na im di sisi say “sorry darling” E bring out perfume for im hand bag and spray inside my guoguoro as we dey go.
Wen we climb Iyana Ipaja bridge, to begin face Egbeda, di foul odour blow pass again. Na dat time I come suspect say dat odour na body odour and me, I no get body odour.
Small time di sisi put hand for my face, begin press one spot for my face. E ask me, “darling what cream do you use?” Me, cream? I tell am say since my mama born me for my village for Ogbomoso, I no use cream one day. Se, I be woman?
Di sisi say why e ask be say, pimples dey for my face. I use style look my guonguoro inside mirror, I no see one pimple for my face.
Na so e begin press another spot for my face again. And I dey for steering o. Di ting sweet me sha. I tell am tank you. E say, “You are welcome my darling.”
Na so I manage drive reach wia e dey go for Ikotun Egbe. E give me anoder peck and wan come down. I tell am say e never pay me.
Di sisi come spark! E say which kind pay be dat? E say na me suppose pay am for all di work way e do for my body sine wen we comot for our garage for Ikeja.
I ask am which kind work. E say all di kiss, di peck, di embreast and di pimples nko, weda na for free?
Na so I park my guonguoro well. I send you message? I come down and hold am. I say make e go any garage ask of me, Oga MAT. I say I no dey take yeye from anybody.
Di sisi say who be Oga MAT sef? E say make me sef enter any hotel and ask, e say weda I never hear of Natasha before? E say na im be di original Tasha, any order Tasha na fake.
I come talk am for my mind – Natasha. Tasha. Tacha. Na di same ten and ten pence nah!
Trust Lagos people, dat time crowd don gather us. All dose market woman dem for Ikotun come dey abuse me why I use di sisi finish I no wan pay, instead I wan come beat am for road.
Na dat time all our union member dem for Ikotun garage come tell me make I jus begin dey go. Dem say everybody for di area sabi Tacha. Na so e dey do wen e enter taxi with im body odour. Dem say na im be di president of dia union for inside dat popular ashawo hotel wey dey for dat Ikotun Egbe.
I jus lef di mad sisi, but I warn am say make e look my guonguoro and my face well well, say anytime e see me, make e run 440 becos anoder time if e Tacha me, I go Mercy am. Ashawo bruku!
Make we jam again on Friday.
Tank you very much.
And tank you very, very much again.
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