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Chai! My pikin wan marry kidnapper

Posted by News Express | 27 August 2019 | 1,006 times

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I no know wetin pikin wey dem born now wan become. Di kind tings wey dem dey do, we no fit do am wen we be small pikin like dem. Dem say dem be new school and we na old school.

I still remember wen I dey for my village for Ogbomosho, everybody sabi di kind work wey everybody dey do.

If you be farmer, fisherman, hunter, tailor, carpenter, teacher, pastor, imam or even babalawo, everybody go sabi. But now, na anoder title people dey answer.

Pastor and imam go say dem be cleric abi minister. Tailor go say e be fashion designer. Carpenter now dey answer cabinet maker, and so on and so on.

As I come Lagos come finish mecho work den begin drive dis my taxi, if you ask me which work I dey do, I go tell you korokoro say I be taxi driver,  I no go do like plenty of our union member dem wey dey talk say dem be pilot. Pilot ko, captain ni.

As I wan comot for house yesterday morning make I  quick reach our garage  wey dey near Ikeja under bridge but my wife Bose say make I wait small, say our second woman pikin, Funke get wetin e wan tell me.

Na im I talk say why dis morning wen dem sabi say I must to enter road go do my work? Why dem no tell me dat ting for night wen I come back? But Bose say make I remember say na almost midnight I come back.

I say okay, make Funke come tell me wetin e wan tell me quick. Bose come siddon near me. As Funke come forward, I see im senior sister, Bisi dey smile one kind. I come talk am for my mind say na which kind coup dis my pikin dem and dia mama dey plan for me?

Funke talk nah, e no fit open mouth talk, instead e take im foot dey draw map of Africa for ground. Na im I tell am say, if e no get wetin e wan tell me, I go stand up begin dey go my work.

Na dat time im mama come talk say Funke don get husband. I no know wen I shout “ Hus wat!?

So dis girl wey I tink say e wan follow go see how e go take enter university after I don spend my money for JAMB finish, na marry e wan marry? Tori Olorun!

I don dey talk am tele tele say dis my second woman pikin, im eye too dey for up. No wonder, wen me – im papa – dey use torch light chinko phone, my pikin dey carry di one wey dem dey call I-phone 6 dey waka upadan.

I come ask Funke weda e no wan go school again, e say marry no disturb school. E say e go dey for husband house dey go school.

I ask am say why e no wait make im senior sister Bisi marry first? Funke say im no fit wait, say im sister dey dull.

As we dey talk, na im one bobo like dat drive  okada enter our compound. If you see dis bobo, im bie bie reach to take tie goat for neck dey drag am. And na so im nyansh flat like footmat.

Di bobo park im okada, come down and dobale to greet me. I ask am who im dey find, e talk say na me e come meet. I ask am who im be, di bobo tell me say im be my son in-law. Olorun Oba o!

Na dat time Bose talk say na di bobo wey wan marry Funke be dat. I tire. I jus manage control mysef, make I no kill person.

I ask di bobo which kind work e dey do, e say im go answer me, but make e come first. Di bobo run go bring di black nylon bag wey e tie for di back of di okada wey e take come. E open di nylon bag, bring out hot drink and wine. I tell am say make e keep im drink down, make e answer my question.

I ask am again say wetin be im work. As di bobo open mouth to answer, my pikin Funke talk say di bobo na businessman, say e get money well well. I shout for Funke head. I stand up, if no be say im mama and im sister hold me, I for scater im head for am.

I tell di bobo make e answer me quick, quick make I come dey go my work.

Na im di bobo tell me say as im honey don talk am, im be businessman. I ask am who be im honey, e point hand to Funke. E come be like say make I enter house, bring hammer take scater dat im head wey be like  dry coconut. But I manage hold mysef.

I ask am which kind business e dey do. Di bobo look up, look down, scratch im head den come hold im goatie bie bie and say, “I be kidnapper” Olorun Oba o!

I wan take leg run go olopa station wey dey for dat my area, Abule Egba, but di bobo say,

“No sir, I no dey kidnap people, my own business na to kidnap animal dem for inside forest. I kidnap monkey, bush meat, snake, even lion sef. You can call me hunter, but dat na old school name.”

I look dis bobo from head to toe. I look my pikin Funke. I look im sister Bisi den come look my wife Bose. I shake my head.

I jus waka jeje go enter my guonguoro and took off.

Make we jam again on Friday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.

Source: News Express

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