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Se, make I slap am?

Posted by News Express | 9 July 2019 | 1,377 times

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I dey always talk am say, di kind tings wey di son of man dey take im mouth see for Lagos road everyday, im eye no fit talk am.

Na im make, if you just enter Lagos, nobody go tell you say, “Welcome to Lagos”. You go only hear, “This is Lagos”. Dat mean to say, you dey On Your Own (OYO) for Lagos.

If to say money dey, I for don change my business. I for don drop dis my guonguoro, go find anoder work do. Even if na to drive Uber or Taxify, or even Gokada, I for no mind. Atlist, small respect dey for dose one, no be like dis our yellow taxi wey passenger dey talk to driver anyhow.

But sha, small small side attraction dem wey person dey enjoy still dey. Dat one na trade secret o. I mean dose ting dem wey make my wife Bose dey always accuse me say taxi driver work na ashewo work.

Anyway, dat na by di way.

See like di order day, one sisi like dat come garage say make I go drop am for Ketu. Ordinary drop o, no be charter sef.

I tell am my price, e gree. I say make I take Alausa, enter old toll gate for Lagos/Ibadan Expressway, den drive down dat bridge for Abiola Garden, enter Ikorodu Road and begin go drop di sisi for Ketu.

As di sisi see say I dey face Alausa, e ask me wia I dey go. I tell am as I wan waka till I drop am for Ketu.

I no even talk finish wen di sisi say, “No, no, no, no!  What kind of taxi driver are you?”  I ask am how, e say “You call yourself a taxi driver and you don’t know the roads in the city?” Again, I ask am how.

Di sisi come tell me make I turn back go take Ikeja roundabout, enter Airport Road to Onigbongbo, Maryland, Ojota den begin go drop am for Ketu.

I tell am say dat one na long journey, say I no fit from Ikeja begin go Maryland wen be say na Ketu we dey go.

Dis sisi come dey argue with me o. Se me see wahala.

Na im I come tell am my life history. I tell am di year wen I don dey do dis taxi driver work for Lagos,  say dat time I sure say even im papa and mama never born dat time.

As  I dey talk so, we don dey Allen Junction. Traffic light stop us. Na im di sisi say all dat rubbish tory wey I talk so no concern am, im own be say make I turn back now now, now, go take di road wey im tell me. Tori Olorun!

E say make I move now, na im I ask am weda e no get eye see say traffic light don stop us.

Na so dis sisi grab me for my shokoto trouser, e say if I no move now now, e go shout say I wan kidnap am.  Olorun Oba o!

See dis sisi o, small girl wey I sure say if e senior my second woman pikin Funke na small, not to talk of Bisi my first woman pikin.

Before I even tink dat one finish, di sisi give me one dirty slap for face, tosaaarh!!!  Dat one no do am, e give me anoder slap, pppuuaarrh!!!  Star just appear for my eye.

(To be continued)

Make we jam again on Friday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed.


Source: News Express

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