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All dis Lagos sisi dem no go kill di son of man o!

Posted by News Express | 18 June 2019 | 1,977 times

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If I tell una all di orisirisi tings dem wey man pikin dey see for Lagos road in di curse (Olorun maje) of my duty, una no go believe. Una go tink say I dey form am.

But weda or wedan’t una believe, all dose tings dey happen. If I talk lie, make I baf naked for bafroom. Helep me say Amin!

Na so di order day, one sisi like dat waka enter our garage wey dey for near Ikeja under bridge.

If you see dis sisi, hmm, you go begin wonder weda na mama born am. And if you no take time, na so you go wonder sote you go become wanderer.

Di sisi come dey form fone for me. Di place wey e go call like African babe, e go wan set im tongue like oyibo. And na so I come dey say ehn? ehn? ehn? like say I be deaf.

Before I understand say e wan make I carry am go for Mafoluku, I don ask am "ehn?" reach like one million time. If you hear as di sisi call Mafoluku, you go tink say e no dey shit sef.

If you see wetin dis sisi wear, Tori Olorun!

Di dress just cover im nyansh small, and na so e take am tie im nyansh sote I come dey pity di nyansh like say na me e tie.

Di shoe wey di sisi wear na di type wey Yaba bend down boutique boys dey call 9 inches to heaven.

Im face nko? I no come know di sisi and Ekpo Calabar who fine pass. I sure say di sisi spend time well well for mirror to paint im face to dat level. I pity di face gan.

Anywia sha, wetin e wear no concern me. My own na to carry passenger make e pay me. Dat’s all.

I tell di sisi my price, e gree. I open back door for am, e tell me say im wan siddon for front.  I say no troublem, dat e fit siddon anywia e like.

I turn go open my driver door and enter, di sisi never still enter.

E open di door to enter. E carry one leg up, but to enter, na wahala. Di dress too short and e too tight

Na im e carry leg again, to try weda e go fit enter, for wia! Go no go!

I just take style dey look am. Small time I ask am say se kosi o, e say abeg make I comot come first.

I come talk am for my mind say today na today.

As I comot go meet am for passenger front door, e tell me say make I helep carry am for leg, den use my second hand push im nyansh small so dat im body go fit enter inside my guonguoro. Olorun Oba o!

Which kind temptation be dis? Why art thou temptest di son of man?

But wetin I go do? No be me wan do taxi driver work for Lagos?

I use style carry im one leg, e enter, I come carry di second leg while I push im nyansh make e follow di leg enter. As e land for di seat, anybody wey dey dat place go don see everyting wey di sisi wear for yonder. Di G-string no just hide.

Na so we begin dey go Mafoluku. Di sisi come ask me weda I don vex for am, I say why I go vex? I tell am say as customer concern, my work na to render service - anyhow, anyhow.

But I come use style ask am weda e dey live with im mama and papa for Lagos. E say na im aunty e dey live with, say im mama and papa dey for village.

I ask am weda dat im aunty no see am di time e dey comot for house. Di sisi come look me, e say why I ask am dat kind question? E say wetin concern im aunty, concern wetin im wear? E say di aunty dey do im own, im sef dey do im own.

As e dey talk so, one of im leg dey face Sokoto, di order one Calabar.

Di sisi come tell me say, as I see am so, na mid-week service e dey go for church and e don late, make I drive quick small.

Na dat time my body come weak patapata. Church ke?  My mouth just gum,  I no fit talk again. I just manage press trottle dey go make I drop am.

And as we reach di place for Mafoluku, true true na one big church like dat. People don full trowey. As I march break, to carry am comot for my guonguoro make e enter di church come take anoder one hour.

I manage drop am sha, and e pay me my money. I come turn begin dey go my way.

Na only Olorun go helep di pastor and all di bobo dem for dat church. And any wife for dat church wey no hold im husband well, na im sabi.

Make we jam again on Friday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very, very much indeed. 

Source: News Express

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