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B-U-H-A-R-I!

Posted by News Express | 14 December 2018 | 2,478 times

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Dis time of di year wey we enter so,  e get as e be o.  If na before wey Lagos good, na dis season we taxi driver dey make money repete. You know say everybody for Lagos dey wan go Idumota or Balogun for Isale Eko to go do Xmas shopping. Some people dey go buy market come sell for dia shop, order people dey go buy Xmas tings for dia family.

And di ting be say, all dis people must to take transport go, weda na molue, danfo, bolekaja yellow taxi or kabukabu. But now everyting don change.  Molue and bolekaja no kukuma dey for Lagos again. And we wey remain, BRT,  Lagbus and Uber don come chance us big time.

Now, If you see even one passenger wey come for garage to take you for Drop, you go tank your God well well for dat day. And even wen you see passenger carry, go-slow for road nko?  Dat one na someting else. Olorun Oba o!

Yesterday na so one madam come our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge. E say make I carry am go Island . I ask am which side of Island, di woman say weda I no sabi di side of Lagos wey dem dey call Island. I tell am say Island plenty for Lagos - Lagos Island wey be Isale Eko dey, Victoria Island, Banana Island, Snake Island, Lekki, Ibeju Lekki, Ikoyi,  Ajah, all na Island.

Di madam say e be like say na Lekki e dey go. I tell am how much, e say no troublem, make I just dey go. But e tell me say I must take IBB bridge. I say sebi na 3rd Mainland Bridge, no wahala.

Na so di madam enter for back seat, me sef jump enter for steering, and put my guonguoro for action.

I enter Alausa, connect 7Up, den enter for old toll gate, and begin face Oworonshoki. We never reach Alapere wen di madam begin dey talk Hausa.

As e dey talk, e go dey shout, “Buhari ! Buhari!!  Buhari!!! How many time I call you?” From Alapere pass Ogudu to Oworo, di woman call Buhari reach like 100 time. And as e dey call di name, na so e dey take Hausa curse am.

As we just climb IBB bridge, come see go-slow. We come begin dey go small, small like snail. See heat for dis hot weather. For inside dat go-slow, di madam just dey curse Buhari. Na wa o.

For di middle of di bridge, na im di madam say make I park. I tell am say dem no dey stop for on top of di bridge. E say make I clear well well, say e wan come down. I ask am say sebi na Island e tell me say e dey go. Di madam say e don reach wey im dey go, say na on top of dat bridge e dey go.

Di madam open im handbag bring money pay me. As e curse Buhari again, na im I ask am why e dey cause Buhari. E say Buhari na im husband. But di man go marry anoder wife join am. Di madam say di husband marry di first one, e no talk. E marry di second one, e no talk. E marry di number three, e no talk.

I ask am say so dem be four wife, di madam say dem be seven, say im be wife number four, plus di three new ones wey di man come marry after am. I say shoo oooooo! I say but how all dis ting come concern Buhari nah? E say na im husband name be dat.

E open im handbag, bring out one business card give me with di man picture. I look di card, look di picture, I no see anyting wey resemble Buhari. Wen I look di card again, I see di name Bwari. I come talk am for my mind say so na Bwari, im husband, wey dis madam dey curse since we comot for garage.

Di next ting be say, di madam open di door of di guonguoro, come down. E tell me bye bye, say make e kukuma finish everyting today with dat im yeye husband, Bwari.

As e wan climb di bridge rail, to jump inside lagoon, na im I begin blow my guonguoro horn loud, pom ! pom !! pom !!! Come see as everybody park im car, plus olopa dem. Dem grab di madam for waist, drag am back make e no jump inside lagoon and kill imsef becos of im marry marry husband, Bwari. And na so me sef take off.

Make we jam again on Tuesday.

Tank you.

Tank you very much.

And tank you very very much indeed.


Source: News Express

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